In a sentimental mood

God today was a sentimental day, the way it went from the second I open up my eyes till it was way late into the night. I went from sadness to pain, to frustration to sadness and love and desperation and frustration again.

The most frustrating part is the path we have ahead it seems like we can’t see the end of the path and is so easy just to drift away and well try to be happy living without each other. Is a decision I need to make, I guess is the ultimate test. Can I wait that long, can I just be happy without her? Do I want to be misserable until I see her again.

I can see clearly that I am feeling misserable hoping to see her and that no happiness is true happiness wtihout her. So my point is should I conform with this state of mind? Do I have alternatives. Can I move on? What would i loose if I do?

All this doubts, feelings and awareness is basically what give me back to the question, can she be the one that can pull this off. Being a relationship I guess I have no power over the other person. And she faces the same questions, plus she has a whole liife infront of her while me, well I do to but at the same time I already live a lot like this and move on a lot before.

The fear of loosing her if she decided to choose to move on will hurt me, but i guess I will survive. But the feeling of waiting for her and then she changing her mind is even more scary since well.. I guess I dont want to put myself in that position.

All in all the way I felt those doubts today were actually afecting me really bad, extasy and grief combine and at the same time I realize how unpowerful I am to just fix things. I cnat fix eveyrthing and at the same time I can screw everything so easily.

I guess the answer I can find is love, no reason, no logic, no hope but just love and yeah faith too. If I can just have faith in love I guess love will find a way and we will find a way. Is hard cuz like many people will say, there is no right or wrong in love. Moving on is not a crime, even if it feels for the other, but also true love is hard to move on, even when u think u did, it will come back and hit u like a huricane wind.

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Let our hands hold on and resist time.

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